I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
