I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
