Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
