We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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