friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
