turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
