he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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