My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
