Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
