i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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