would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
