My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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