yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize