Your mouth is God's brothel.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
