I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
