is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
