I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
