Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
