dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
