he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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