Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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