Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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