Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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