Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize