it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
