She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
