he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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