I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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