I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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