don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
