my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
