i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We left the knife in your bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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