Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
