the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
