Only a mothe r could love this liver
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
