I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
