I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
