he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
