ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
