Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
