i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
