This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
