I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
