I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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