so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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