I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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