All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
