your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
