I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
