Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
