I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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