your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize