just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
