come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
