My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
