I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
