We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
