she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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