Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
