Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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