You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
