dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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