Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i love accidental penises.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
