Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
